Everyday I struggle.
Some struggles are big, when I can’t stop crying, sometimes for hours.
Some struggles are small, when a thought or action just catches me off guard and then I’m completely fine 30 seconds later.
They all feel the same though. Whether they last hours or seconds.
Last week I had a complete mind block.
“Shit! Can I put tinfoil in the freezer!?”
(Like I said, complete mind block. I’m not that daft in real life…)
I pick up the phone and my thumb hovers over ‘Mum’.
I instantly feel like someone’s just dropped 50lbs on my shoulders. I call my sister in law and have a mini meltdown over FaceTime. When I hang up, I can’t help but wonder why that happened.
Did I forget she died? No of course not. My heart wouldn’t let me forget. But what was it in my mind that instantly thought ”Call Mum, she’ll know” and then physically pick up the phone to call her?
They say, the mind is a powerful thing and you can do anything you put your mind to.
And I get that. I really do.
But what if your mind, has a mind of its own?
I’d like to think we have control over our own minds. But surely if we did, I wouldn’t have Norma?
(See Introducing Norma to catch up on that one).
And I wouldn’t have tried to call my Mum?
My mind boggles. Literally.